divkay

~Confessions of a "Desperate for Divorce" Wife~
Follow my journey through the maze of this milestone in my life; first time divorcing. First time fighting back.
I am a 35 year old who although a happy mom, am also a very unhappy wife.
Not for long I hope.
I've debated and wasted 13 years of my life married to a man who hides behind his religion to mistreat me and has gotten away with it for years.
I will no longer tolerate his abusive words or anything that puts me down and makes me feel inferior. I'm getting the courage to stand up to him finally. His actions throughout these years toward me have caused me great turmoil and pain. I've yo-yo'd back and forth between skinny and fat because I let him control me and my emotions went crazy causing me to not know when to stop eating or get some food and eat. I've suffered from depression the moment I married him. Went from a 110 lb. young 21 YO, to a 165 lb 22 YO. I couldn't leave the house without permission. Couldn't go to school without being felt guilty or reproached. Couldn't take long out shopping without being harrassed. Couldn't even see my mom or sister without being allowed to, then scolded and belittled for a week or more after. If I gave in and was intimate with him to appease him, I would be treated like a slave the next few days... "where is this?, why isn't my laundry done?, why did you make that for dinner??"...
I am on a quest to get the hell out of this mess. I have never loved him. And the times I tried I still could feel nothing.
But you see, there's a problem. Out of this love-less relationship, we had a daughter. She is now 10.
I HAVE waited too long.
I'm ashamed.
But I'm determined to do this.
With or without H-E-L-P.