I’m a 30-year-old writer from Tucson, living in Corvallis, Ore. I spend most of my time watching movies and criticizing people online because that’s my preferred method of human interaction. My wife says she loves me, and I believe her. I have two dogs, Yankee and Jorge, who are world-class assassins. If you don’t believe me, you will once they kill you tonight. I also wear socks daily.