Since I can remember, I aspired to become a writer. As a child and teenager I invested hours into writing poems, short stories, and letters that I kept in a binder hidden from the rest of the world. Scared of being ridiculed or judged if someone read what I wrote, I kept them hidden. Lacking confidence resulted in a binder full of spectacular writings that I could not bear to let another person read. A distance grew between me and writing. A distance that created an unwavering need to be heard, to be understood, to be appreciated, and to be normal. A faint voice stifled by fear. A fear so emasculating that it ignited shame and discouragement that spread throughout my being like wildfire, filling me with doubt and leaving me feeling inadequate and unsure of my capabilities. A fear so powerful it has taken twenty years to face. A fear I plan to abolish!
While fantasizing about writing and entertaining the idea of writing for a living, my actions gave way to that tiny negative voice in my head that kept telling me to stop. That once distant and negative voice became louder and louder. For as long as I can remember, I have let this voice stand between me and my goal of becoming an excellent writer. No matter the positive thoughts that accompanied this tiny negative voice, that one tiny little seed of doubt overpowered and won time and time again crippling me, making me believe I lacked talent.
Fear of rejection and negativity of others ruled my life and discouraged me from believing in myself. No more. I decided to write because I love to write. I cannot guarantee I will write about topics that will be life changing to others, possibly only life changing to me. Life changing because I do have talent, I do love to write, and every good story I have ever read started with just one word. My name is JenniRen and today I am a writer.